I dunno about you, but it really hurts me when I’m being falsely accused. 

And I mean, not just accused but almost mercilessly flogged into submission. The other person point blankly, accuses you & undoubtedly believes something to be true about whatever the given situation is. It is soul crushing, devastating & actually just down right brutal to be treated in that way, especially when you’re doing the most to explain what had really transpired; when you’re trying to understand where or how they’ve come to the conclusions that they did. Fighting against someone else’s perspective, meanwhile being clear, & fully aware of the factual reality of the injustice in question, is a harrowing experience. Even more so when you were in fact directly involved in the flagrant violation which they now accuse you of. You clutch at the proverbial straws for dear life… “HEAR ME, THIS IS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED, WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THIS?!” These futile questions oscillate desperately through your mind, then out of your mouth, but yet swing with reckless abandon past the accuser’s attention like a pendulum. 

Now, in many instances people act in ways that they are accustomed or acclimatized to. The learning we do throughout life is not limited to textbook literature. Most of the learning we assimilate is implicit, we gain both book & tacit knowledge because we are manufactured to function as complex machines, able to process through a myriad of stimuli all at once. So, it is only fair to assume that at one point, in order to survive humanity with all its battles, we don defense mechanisms sometimes unbeknownst to us so as to get us through the everyday experience of life. We do what we know to do to survive, what has proven to get us through situations whether unscathed or injured, irrespective, IT HELPED, coz clearly, we are still alive! Now, those coping mechanisms may seem all-kindsa-wrong to someone else, but to you, THEY’VE WORKED! So, this tells me something! Our social learning, either through osmosis or via explicit lecture, carved & grooved a pattern into our subconscious minds. They now help us thrive, & in turn automatically makes whatever decision we’re approached by, right for us, in our everyday subjective lives. It is worth noting here though, that all this happens in the background of our lives, & these mechanisms are usually acquired at a very young age, when we’re most impressionable & when our brains are super absorbent. We evolve into experts at mimicry. My subjective truth is still truth. It is YOUR subjective truth as an individual & whenever expected, you tell the truth, you’re always telling the truth. But it becomes a problem when the accuser is only ever interested in his/her truth, they’ve already determined, prior to any discussion or debate, that you’re wrong. The said fight is a mere facaded formality for them to make you aware of their superiority in being right & to serve you with yet another learning opportunity. It becomes a hitch when no other alternatives or perspectives by which to entertain the possibility of diversity could be explored. It becomes a problem when even the slightest novelty of curiously peeking at another angle over the fence is not an option. THIS IS A PROBLEM! He/she knows what they know & they aren’t interested in learning anything else, stubbornly, they won’t budge, & “that’s it!” Haughty if you asked me. And maybe to a degree this person has been spoilt with a measure of agreeability by others who may have bought into his/her perspective & therefore has always been affirmed. Now, you come into their lives with a contrasting worldview, subculture, belief system, or lifestyle & because they have consciously or unconsciously decided to shut themselves in from any other experience irrespective of how potentially beautiful, they resist & reject the unknown & in turn stunt their growth, & their in-flow of new knowledge or the magic of a memorable moment. 

You now feel like a hamster on a wheel, going nowhere fast, flailing, trying to explain yourself over & over. They don’t care! They are convinced of their findings. They want you to admit defeat & to stop this elaborate drama of circumventing around “THE TRUTH” – Their truth. 

You had no idea of the negative impact your unintentional offenses would have on them, because they have no idea of how to express their needs, or emotions with clarity or concision. This is something that is so deeply hurtful because you don’t even know that this is something that you’ve been doing wrong, but you get yelled at, & accused. You’re in a maze right now. Backtracking “What did I do wrong? Why would you think that I would intentionally hurt you? Do you secretly view me as some kinda psychopath waiting for the opportunity to harm you, having no remorse for my actions?”

STOP! Let’s get rid of this egoic notion fooling us into believing that we were sent to earth on a mission as these esoteric celestial beings, embodying super, specialized, insider skills & knowledge & that everyone else is living as poor, hopeless, accidents-about-to-happen, & that we’re commissioned to rescue them because they’re doing everything wrong! Bruh, lose that massive chip on your shoulder. This self-inflated sense of entitlement that you’re wearing as a badge of honor is really getting old and it’s doing more harm to your self- image than you know. People see you and they know …

Asking, instead of demanding, & demonstrating curiosity instead of assuming, creates harmony & respect. Respect another person as one who is able to make good judgements but may have innocently made a blunder. But if we go handing out indictments as if we were Oprah dishing out cars, we’d leave our persons feeling like children. Dumb, helpless children who didn’t know any better. They would feel belittled, diminished even.

C’Mon dude! We are all here to learn & grow & even more so in relationship, where we’re learning each other. Even if you were correct about somethings 99,9% of the time, that 0,1% proves that there’s a looming possibility that you COULD be wrong. Let’s humble ourselves, or are our egos that fragile that we couldn’t handle the loss of being wrong?!

WOW, I’m glad I got that off my chest…. Phew! Rant over!

The magic lies in curiosity not self-righteousness… “Do you know that you’re hurting me by doing that? I don’t just want to assume that you are hurting me, intentionally. I can’t read your mind so I would like to know if we could make some time to talk about the possibility that the context of our individual lives may only have made room for one frame of reference. A framework for only one truth – our own individual, subjective truths, which could have forced our world views through a needle-hole of one-dimensional vision.” – BLISSFUL HARMONY